Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Hail...Jim(m) Fassel?

I’m really trying hard to avoid making any sort of snap judgment about the expected hiring of Jim Fassel, but -- oh, screw it, I can't resist -- WHAT THE &%#@ is Dan Snyder thinking? So much for continuity. So much for a sexy hire. So much for the next few seasons? I guess we’ll see. No snap judgments.

Understatement of the day in 3…2…1: Jim Fassel, Rex Ryan, and Jim Zorn aren’t exactly the Holy Trinity of NFL coaches. You know how Chris Cooley and Chris Samuels are going to honor the late, great Sean Taylor by wearing his No. 21 at the Pro Bowl? Well if Fassel is hired, I've decided to honor Gregg Williams -- the man Snyder should hire, the man the players want Snyder to hire, and the man who will, undoubtedly, haunt the Redskins in whatever job he lands next -- by referring to him as Jimm Fassel.

But enough of the gloom and doom, which has dominated Redskins circles since Fassel emerged as the leading candidate. (Nearly half of the respondents to a Washington Post poll think the decision to hire Fassel would be "Horrible," while 2.5 percent -- thanks for stopping by, Cowboys, Eagles and Giants fans -- say it's "Great." Incidentally, "I'd rather be bludgeoned to death with an end zone pylon than see Jim Fassel in burgundy and gold" was not an option.) Let's think positively, like akers553 on
"I hope they hire Fassel so all of you people that say you will give up your season tickets will do so and I can get closer to the top of the season ticket waiting list!"

That's the spirit! Also on the bright side, the Redskins actually could do a lot slightly worse than Fassel. I mean, it’s not like Danny Boy is going to hire any of these guys. Right?

Jerry Glanville

In his first season as head coach at Portland State, the Vikings’ high-octane offense scored an impressive 30.7 points per game while the team struggled to a 3-8 record. How? PSU’s un-Gregg Williams-like defense allowed 38 points and 425 yards per game.

Art Shell

Shell was ranked No. 55 on The Sporting News’ list of the 100 Greatest NFL Players, but he couldn’t coach a hypothetical team comprised of players 1-53 on that list to a winning record in the NFC West. He does, however, satisfy this list's Rooney Rule.

Norv Turner

While Gibbs 2.0 wasn’t everything Redskins fans had hoped for, Norv 2.0 would be everything they have hoped against -- and more!

Vinny Cerrato

The day that Vinny finally gets the respect – and the authority to make roster decisions – that he so rightfully deserves is the day that I adopt the Baltimore Ravens as my new hometown team.

Mike Tice

Word is that the Potomac Riverboat Company offered to pay Tice’s signing bonus if Snyder made this happen.

Lindy Infante

The former Indianapolis Colts head coach was instrumental in the development of Ken Anderson and Bernie Kosar as the offensive coordinator in Cincinnati and Cleveland, respectively. With a track record like that, maybe he could turn Campbell into a mediocre QB, too.

Wayne Fontes

When Lions owner William Clay Ford fired Fontes after a disappointing 5-11 season in 1996, Fontes called Ford the “best owner in the National Football League.” You think Snyder isn't jealous of this fact?

Rich Kotite

Kotite lost 31 of his last 35 games as an NFL head coach with the Eagles and Jets, but his experience and vast knowledge of the NFC East is exactly the type of continuity the Redskins’ front office was looking for.

Assist to JScramble for help coming up with this atrocious compilation of coaches. Narrowly missing the cut: Mike Riley, Gregg Popovich (double-G continuity, see), Dave Shula, Richie Petitbon, Terry Robiskie, Steve Spurrier, Ray Handley, Marty Mornhinweg, Brian Billick.

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