Monday, December 8, 2008

Bamboo > Redskins D-Line

Watching the Redskins' defensive line fail to generate any sort of pass rush in Sunday night's deflating loss to the Ravens, I was reminded of one of the opening scenes in Garden State, when the Obnoxious Girl --'s label, not mine -- snaps at Zach Braff's character in the restaurant.
Obnoxious Girl: I'll have a Ketel Cosmo, with Red Bull -- and some bread ASAP.
Andrew Largeman: Uh, we don't have bread.
Obnoxious Girl: What do you mean you don't have bread, how can you not have bread?
Andrew Largeman: We're a Vietnamese restaurant. We just don't have bread.
Obnoxious Girl: Well, you're not Vietnamese.
Andrew Largeman: No, I'm not.
Obnoxious Girl: Can I have something to chew on?! Fuck, bamboo! Whatever!
Andrew Largeman: I'll see what I can do.
Substitute Angry Redskins Fans for Obnoxious Girl, Vinny Cerrato for Andrew Largeman, and defensive linemen for bread, and you've basically summed up the state of the Redskins' front four. Here's the Redskins rank in sacks for the past eight years: 29th; T-16th; 32nd; 20th; 9th; 27th; T-9th; 29th; 8th; 14th. As Emmitt Smith would tell you, those are some pretty abmissile numbers.

Since drafting Kenard Lang with the 17th overall pick in the 1997 draft, the Redskins have drafted a total of six defensive linemen. Feast your eyes on this list of Hall of Famers: Delbert Cowsette, Mario Monds, Greg Scott, Kedric Golston, Anthony Montgomery, and Rob Jackson. Bra-freaking-vo. I'm willing to give credit where credit is due, and Montgomery has turned into a solid pro, but his value is more in his versatility than in his ability to get to the passer.

Last I checked, the Redskins were neither a Vietnamese restaurant nor a Vietnamese football team. They should have some bread. They should have some pass rushers. I blame Kenard Lang and Vinny Cerrato.


Lindsay said...

Where can I get one of those Redskins two-seaters?!

Greta said...

a two-seater, how appropriate... b/c that's about the number of people that would be on the redskins bandwagon right about now.