Saturday, November 8, 2008
Off With His Hands!
I don't know how Carlos Rogers spent his bye week, but he would've been well served spending at least a few minutes browsing this site if he didn't drop his laptop first. Yes, 'Los has emerged as the Redskins' best corner this season. Yes, he's been solid in coverage and he's laid the wood to a few dudes. And yes, he's played remarkably well one year removed from serious knee surgery. But good gosh almighty, the guy can't catch a ball to save his freaking life! I suppose that's why he's not a wide receiver -- or a fireman. Can you imagine the horror of being trapped on the fifth floor of a burning building and looking out the window to find Carlos Rogers at the end of a ladder one floor below screaming "jump"?
The solution to Rogers' problem? Amputate his hands. If it sounds ridiculous, that's because it is. Ridiculously brilliant. If Rogers can't catch with hands, then removing them is no big loss, right? Rogers' hands are kind of like the human tailbone, evolutionary remnants that serve no real purpose. Without hands, Rogers would never be called for holding and he'd be forced to improve his technique. Win-win. People would also no longer curse Rogers when he dropped an interception because, well, that would just be wrong. I mean, the guy wouldn't have any hands.