Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Lastings' Limericks

For those of you unfamiliar with the Lastings Milledge story (son of a Florida state trooper with a cool name becomes can't-miss baseball prospect, drafted by Mets, starts Soul-ja Boi Records, raps about bitches and hos, wears out his welcome in New York, traded to Nats) Steinz provides an excellent summation here. What I want to know is, how the hell did Soul-ja Boi Records let Soulja Boy Tellem get away? That's just poor managing on Lastings' part. And is there a Soul-ja Boy-ee out there?

If Milledge's rap career fizzles -- unlikely, but hey, sometimes the best just can't seem to catch a break -- he could always tap in to his inner Edward Lear and write limericks in his spare time.

My potential is quite astronomical,
My rap lyrics are so bad they’re comical,
I said bitch bend ya knees,
With my boy Manny D,
But I’ll blossom in ways agronomical.

After hitting the ball out of play,
I high-fived the home fans at Shea,
It was my first home run,
Just having some fun,
I’ll be chasing Bonds’ record some day.

I’ll admit I’m a little bit silly,
Enough to rile up ex-teammate Billy,
Know your place rook,
Move over Nook,
As I rock this party from Florida to Philly.

Hello my name’s Lastings Milledge,
From the Mets did ol’ Jim Bowden pillage,
For Church and some change,
I’ve got much better range,
And enough skills to impress a small village.

Imagine one team with me, Dukes and Meat,
For fans and bloggers alike that’s a treat,
Bitches and hos,
A rap sheet that grows,
I think this season could be really sweet.

No comments: