Better Santa

The Nationals have made an offer to Mark Teixeira: 8 years, $160 million. Will it be enough? Probably not. Have more unbelievable things happened? Uh, yes. So please, Santa, forgive Jim Bowden and the Lerners for being naughty this year, leave Willy Taveras at the North Pole, and deliver Big Teix to DC. Otherwise, a huge flat screen TV would be nice; I'd like to watch the Nationals' anemic offense suck again in style.

Clinton Portis, Cheerleader

This is getting ridiculous. Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse -- at least until a loss at Cincinnati on Sunday -- Clinton Portis has some harsh words for Jim Zorn. Look, I love CP, but if he's going to ruffle his pockets, sarcastically refer to his head coach as a genius, and suggest that he should pick up some pom-poms and join the cheerleader squad, he should at least do it in costume! Portis needs to channel Reverend Gonna Change, practice his ass off this week, and run for 200 yards against the Bengals, so that we're looking back at this episode in early January and marveling at the internal strife that this team managed to overcome en route to the playoffs.

You Wear Makeup! Clap, Clap, Clap-Clap-Clap.

This is Cal forward Ryan Anderson. According to the Stanford student section, which directed a loud cheer toward him during the second half of the Cardinal's 79-69 win on Sunday, he wears makeup. While I can't confirm the validity of that claim, I can say that no amount of rouge could mask the ugliness of Anderson's shooting line: 2-for-13 from the field. The big man did shoot 10-for-10 from the line and finished with 15 points and 11 rebounds, but he couldn't prevent another cheer that Stanford men's basketball fans have been waiting six years to break out: "Just like football!" It sure sounded good.

I'm still hoping the Cardinal secure a No. 2 seed and a potential second-round date with No. 10 Maryland. If it could happen in Washington, DC, well, that would be all kinds of awesome.

Bubblicious

Well that was vomitrific. After being swept by the heaving Hokies, the Terps close the regular season with three of four on the road and dates with NCAA tournament hopefuls Wake Forest, Miami, and Clemson. It should be awesome. I think I might just throw up in my mouth a little bit.

If you're not about to eat, enjoy the video of the incident via The Sporting Blog:

Boom Jaws

In last week's Bog Poll, I used an aquatic theme to describe the area's 11 best least awful teams. I compared Maryland, which was coming off a 1-point loss to Virginia Tech -- and, lest you forget, had previously dropped home games to Ohio (not St.) and American -- to the Red Hind fish. In addition to sharing the same color, Maryland also seemed destined to spend the season near the bottom of the ocean floor, or the ACC standings as it were.

No doubt inspired by the unflattering comparison, the Terps, for one day, at least, shred that Red Hind label with an impressive, out-of-nowhere win over UNC in Chapel Hill.

Beware, behemoths of the ACC, the Boom Shark is loose.

Duke's next.