Jimmy Patsos: "Take the #$%@ ball inside!"

With Loyola head coach Jimmy Patsos making news recently -- first for his brilliant decision to double-team Davidson's Stephen Curry for an entire game last week and then for the letter he wrote to Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser defending the strategy -- I'm reminded of this column in Sports Illustrated from 2004. In it, Rick Reilly captured what it was like to be on the Maryland bench alongside Gary Williams during a second round NCAA tournament game against Syracuse. Reilly describes the scene after the Orange took a 6-4 lead:

"Beside himself because his players won't attack the 'Cuse zone, the 59-year-old Williams turns salmon pink. He wheels on his assistant coach, Jimmy Patsos, and hollers, "You dumb mother [deleted on delay]! Make them take the ball inside!"

Why does he scream at Patsos? Because it's scream or herniate, and Williams doesn't want to scream at the Maryland players on the court. In his 13 years with Williams, Patsos has been fired more times than Donald Trump's barber. But he never actually leaves. "I know he doesn't mean it," Patsos says. "He's one of my best friends in the world."

Shortly after the column ran, Patsos was hired to take over a Loyola (Md.) program that was coming off a 1-27 season. The Greyhounds won a school record 19 games last season, but are off to a 2-6 start this year. Loyola closes 2008 with back-to-back games at North Carolina State and Duke, two places where Patsos should feel plenty comfortable. The only difference is now he's the one calling his assistants dumb mother [deleted on delay]. I won't be surprised if Loyola leaves the Tarheel State with a win -- while the double-team strategy failed, Patsos might consider not guarding Duke's Greg Paulus -- and then contends for the MAAC title. An NCAA tournament rematch with Davidson would be amazing.

All Your Lakes Are Belong to Us

Is it too late for Maryland to schedule Western Michigan, Wayne State, Oakland, and Lake Superior State? Because with the Final Four scheduled for Detroit's Ford Field, the Terps would be poised to cakewalk to their second title in seven years with a few more opponents from the Wolverine State on their schedule. The Terps downed Michigan 75-70 in the ACC-Big 10 (hardly a) Challenge, one week after upsetting Michigan State. Clinton Portis was in the house at Comcast Center, evidently scouting out the best places to celebrate on the way back from the Skins' win in Bal'mer on Sunday.

If there was any question why Quint Kessenich and Mike Kelley were assigned to broadcast the Michigan-Maryland tilt on ESPNU, as opposed to a game that more people would be watching, it was answered when, after a Maryland transition basket, one of them asked, "Is there anyone in the nation better at finding the open man than Greivis Vasquez?" Uh, does Gary Williams sweat?

Vasquez is a tremendous talent, and when he's on his game he's an All-ACC caliber player. He was brilliant in the second half against the Wolverines, finishing with 23 points, 12 rebounds, 6 assists, and, get this, zero turnovers. It'll take a few more nights like that one before Vasquez should be mentioned as one of the nation's best passers, much less anything else, except perhaps hairstylists. Vasquez has 34 assists and 20 turnovers this season, which isn't bad, but leaves plenty of room for improvement. Here's hoping it continues against GW this weekend.

W.T.F.

My NIT bracket is SO busted!

Thanks, Maryland. I bank on an opening round flameout at The Barn and you proceed to deliver a remarkably easy 68-58 win over Minnesota. Seriously, guys, did you not see the video of your last game? Where did that come from?

With the Terps trailing early in the first half, my girlfriend asked me, "What would you do if Maryland lost?" Her tone implied that she expected an answer along the lines of "Eat tortoise shell shards," "Jump off the Key Bridge," or, naturally, "Burn your precious Ikea couch." But the truth was that I whole-heartedly expected Maryland to lose last night, so getting worked up about the inevitable seemed silly.

And then something strange happened. Maryland made baskets, defended, and took care of the ball. Gary was his usual fiery self, but the Terps looked relaxed, and, more importantly (I guess), like a team that actually wanted to advance to play Syracuse in the second round. As the double-digit lead dwindled to five, I had visions of Blake Hoffarber adding to his legend and making some even more ridiculous shot to shock the Terps, but Maryland managed to hold on in what felt very much like an NCAA tournament game. And by that, I mean not at all.

After Maryland crapped out of the ACC tournament with a loss to Boston College, I told a friend from UVA that I'd like to see them win an NIT championship like I want herpes. In hindsight, maybe that was a bit harsh. I should've said, I'd like to see Maryland win a CBI title like I want herpes. At least they're playing in a tournament that (definitely, kind of, hardly) matters, right?

Go Terps! And go Cardinal!

Well That Sucked

By the grace of Roy Hibbert, I missed most of Maryland's debacle in South Beach because I was watching Georgetown pummel Cincinnati at the Phone Booth. James Gist sure has picked a poor time to turn into Travis Garrison. He's just 12-for-37 in four games since his monster night against N.C. State. And I think we can all agree that anytime is a poor time for Boom Osby to turn into James Gist when it comes to hairstyling preferences. Bring back the 'fro.

On a happier note, I saw this display in Champs the other day. The funny thing? All of these, save for the Christmas Nats hats, were overpriced.

Bubblicious

Well that was vomitrific. After being swept by the heaving Hokies, the Terps close the regular season with three of four on the road and dates with NCAA tournament hopefuls Wake Forest, Miami, and Clemson. It should be awesome. I think I might just throw up in my mouth a little bit.

If you're not about to eat, enjoy the video of the incident via The Sporting Blog:

Boom Goes That Undefeated Season

Heel. F-ing. Yes. Well that was fun.

After watching Maryland polish off Wake Forest on Tuesday night, I told my girlfriend I'd be watching Maryland beat North Carolina on Saturday afternoon if she wanted to join me.

On Thursday, I asked her, "What are you doing on Saturday at 3:30?" Without missing a beat, she responded, "Watching Maryland beat North Carolina." She even put it in her planner.

Only an idiot or an eternal optimist thought Maryland -- an 18-point underdog against an 18-0 team on the road -- had much of a chance against the Tar Heels. I'm a little bit of both.

When UNC alum Antawn Jamison was asked about his thoughts on the game following the Wizards' win over the Knicks on Friday night, he broke into a huge grin and said, "I'm smiling; tomorrow's going to be an easy one."

Not so much. Five minutes into the game, it was clear North Carolina wouldn't mop the floor with Greivis Vasquez's facial hair and cruise to another 30-plus point win -- a moral victory of sorts for the Terps. Still, Vasquez was making careless decisions with the ball, James Gist was taking ill-advised 3-pointers (who the hell does he think he is, Oleksiy Pecherov?), and one couldn't help but think that the Terps' six-point halftime lead should've -- and this is ludicrous to type -- been even greater.

But Vasquez settled down in the second half, Gist did his thing inside, Boom Osby continued to play like a beast, and Maryland got major contributions from Landon Milbourne, Cliff Tucker and Eric Hayes, who returned from an ankle injury to drain two huge threes. Had Tyler Hansbrough made that game-winning 3-point attempt at the buzzer, Maryland still would've left Chapel Hill with the confidence that it could play with any team in the country. Instead, with Gary Williams' seventh win over a No. 1 team, they left with that confidence and more, including a push closer to the outer fringes of the NCAA tournament bubble.

My girlfriend and I both enjoyed the shots of UNC coeds crying afterward. "All of them have bad skin," she told me. Ouch.

Vasquez's post-game interview with Steve Lavin was classic, especially the part when he wanted people to know that, while at times it seems he wants to do everything himself (No, it never seems like that, Greivis!) , it's not about him, it's about the team, it's about Maryland men's basketball.

Amen.

This Could Get Ugly

Maryland visits Chapel Hill today looking to knock off top-ranked and undefeated UNC. The Tar Heels are all kinds of ridiculous at home, scoring 98 points per game, shooting over 50 percent from the floor, and pummeling opponents by an average of more than 30 points. Maryland, meanwhile, has pretty much sucked all year no matter where they play, and starting point guard Eric Hayes is expected to miss his fourth consecutive game. No big deal. I think the over/under on Greivis Vasquez's turnover total in this game is hovering somewhere around 14.

Still, I'm giving MD a shot. Remember 1995...


Selected Highlights:

- Rasheed Wallace's white spot (1:11)
- The "Wave hat" in the background -- I think this was the official NFL sideline hat in 1994 (1:18)
- Dante Calabria sucking (throughout)
- Dean Smith signaling "No mas" (2:18)
- Johnny Rhodes popping his jersey -- this was stupid even back then (3:01)
- Euphoric Guy (3:05)
- Red pom-poms(3:12)