Woof

Congratulations to the UMBC Retrievers, who wrapped up their first America East Conference regular season title with an overtime victory over New Hampshire on Saturday. Should UMBC win its first two games in the conference tournament, it will host the conference championship game in the RAC, home of the least intimidating Dawg Pound known to man.

I've been one of the Retrievers' biggest supporters in the Atlantic 11 Bog Poll this season, but come on, are those rally monkeys? Clevelanders would not be impressed.

You Wear Makeup! Clap, Clap, Clap-Clap-Clap.

This is Cal forward Ryan Anderson. According to the Stanford student section, which directed a loud cheer toward him during the second half of the Cardinal's 79-69 win on Sunday, he wears makeup. While I can't confirm the validity of that claim, I can say that no amount of rouge could mask the ugliness of Anderson's shooting line: 2-for-13 from the field. The big man did shoot 10-for-10 from the line and finished with 15 points and 11 rebounds, but he couldn't prevent another cheer that Stanford men's basketball fans have been waiting six years to break out: "Just like football!" It sure sounded good.

I'm still hoping the Cardinal secure a No. 2 seed and a potential second-round date with No. 10 Maryland. If it could happen in Washington, DC, well, that would be all kinds of awesome.

Well That Sucked

By the grace of Roy Hibbert, I missed most of Maryland's debacle in South Beach because I was watching Georgetown pummel Cincinnati at the Phone Booth. James Gist sure has picked a poor time to turn into Travis Garrison. He's just 12-for-37 in four games since his monster night against N.C. State. And I think we can all agree that anytime is a poor time for Boom Osby to turn into James Gist when it comes to hairstyling preferences. Bring back the 'fro.

On a happier note, I saw this display in Champs the other day. The funny thing? All of these, save for the Christmas Nats hats, were overpriced.

Getting to Know the WTT: Boston Lobsters

As you eagerly await the release of the Washington Kastles' World TeamTennis schedule, something the team's Web site indicates should happen "by end of February," it's as good a time as any to start learning a little bit about the Kastles' potential opponents.

I'll profile one team in this space every Friday for the next 10 weeks, by which point you still won't care that D.C. has a tennis team and Washington management will, fingers crossed, have scrapped its current logo for this. Well done, notions capital. Well done, indeed.

Let's begin with one of the Original 16 -- the Boston Lobsters.

The History: The Lobsters were a charter member of the league, which began play in 1974 with a 44-match schedule. Boston's owner? Bob Kraft. Perhaps you've heard of him.

The Owner: Businessman Bahar Uttam, who is on the fast-track to leading a major New England franchise to multiple titles in about 20 years, relaunched the Lobsters in 2005. Uttam was once selected as the Tennis Nut of New England by the USTA. John McEnroe must have a few of those awards.



The Coach:Licensed psychologist Anne Smith, a member of the original team, leads the Lobsters. She is the author of two books, including "Grand Slam: Coach Your Mind to Win in Business, Sports, and Life." The book has one review on Amazon.com:

By Slick (Boston, MA)

I found this book very enjoyable to read and very inspirational. The insights from Dr. Smith about winning and competition from her own personal triumphs are intuitive and applicable to parents, coaches, employers and employees. I have a new perspective about what "winning" truly means in life.

It's good to see that Bill Belichick finds time in his busy schedule for some recreational reading.



The Players: Arantxa Sanchez-Vicario, a recent International Tennis Hall of Fame inductee, headlines the Lobsters' roster, while Legal Sea Foods and Sam Adams are two of the team's main sponsors.

The Logo: There’s just something about a lobster holding a tennis racquet that makes me smile. Maybe it’s the thought of eating said lobster. Coupled with its creativity – lob-ster, get it? – the logo and team name are brilliantly delicious.

Bubblicious

Well that was vomitrific. After being swept by the heaving Hokies, the Terps close the regular season with three of four on the road and dates with NCAA tournament hopefuls Wake Forest, Miami, and Clemson. It should be awesome. I think I might just throw up in my mouth a little bit.

If you're not about to eat, enjoy the video of the incident via The Sporting Blog:

5 Questions About the Nats

The Washington Nationals' pitchers and catchers reported to Viera on Friday and the rest of the team should arrive at rehab prison Spring Training today. As Manny Acta's squad begins its quest to improve upon last season's surprisingly mediocre record, questions abound: Who will start at shortstop and second base? What will the rotation look like? Will Nick Johnson or Dmitri Young be traded?

The WaPo has touched on all of those questions in some detail recently. But the Nationals' success or lack thereof this season could hinge on the answers to the following, more burning questions:

1. Will Teddy finally win the Presidents Race?

Ricky Bobby’s dad said, “If you ain’t first, you’re last.” If he wasn’t so hardened by his Rough Rider, Teddy might have a hard time coming to grips psychologically with his laughable ineptitude in the Presidents Race. Could this be the year he gets into the win column? Could this be the year the Redskins implement the Racing Portises – Racing Coaching Candidates – during TV timeouts? A man can dream.

Prediction: Mr. Run Slowly and Carry a Big Stick charges out to a huge lead on Opening Night before a guy in a huge John Wilkes Booth costume misses his intended target, Abe, and drills Teddy with a t-shirt gun.

2. Which National will appear in the police blotter first?

Bret Boone looks primed for a bar fight, Viera style. Anyone who heckles Lastings Milledge about his rap album could be asking for trouble. And would you really be all that surprised to hear that Elijah Dukes punched a fan in the face while waiting in line at Panera after said fan asked Dukes for a personalized text message instead of an autograph? Well, you shouldn’t be.

Prediction: As much as I want to believe – and sincerely hope – that the kid has turned his life around, I have to go with Dukes, dawg. I was somewhat tempted to nominate Ryan Zimmerman, if only to top the absurdity of Nook Logan being named in the Mitchell Report.

3. How many innings will John Patterson pitch this season?

The flowing locks are gone. The hop is back. Will his fragile body hold up? And what’s that panda’s name again?

Prediction: 100. After pitching a combined 71 innings over the last two seasons, I think this is generous. I also think the club would be thrilled to have JP healthy enough to make 15-20 starts. I’ll pay $1 to land him on my NL-only fantasy baseball team for a third consecutive season.

4. How early will you have to arrive at Nationals Park to be one of the first 15,000 lucky souls to receive a Dmitri Young bobblehead on May 1?

Screech, Teddy, and Dmitri will make for an incredible Bobblebelly trio for your mantle or dashboard.

Prediction: I’m typing this from a tent along the Southeast-Southwest freeway.

5. Who will be the Nationals’ biggest surprise?

Written off by most, Dmitri Young came out of nowhere last year to post terrific numbers that earned him Comeback Player of the Year honors. Will another Nat step up to the plate to keep that award in Washington?

Prediction: Dukes. If he can control his temper and keeps certain people out of his Fav Five calling plan, I'll bet he forces his way into significant playing time. Think 18-55-.285. Yeah, I'm drinking the Kool-Aid.

Clemens' Doodles

While watching Brian McNamee and Roger Clemens lie give testimony under oath at yesterday's congressional hearing on Capitol Hill, I couldn't help but notice Clemens pick up his pen between bouts of bumbling and scribble something as if he were taking notes. I can only imagine what was on that paper -- and how much it would fetch on ebay.

The Redskins' Coaching Search from A to Z

A is for Art Monk, whose election to the Hall of Fame while the Skins were still coach-less was a long time coming.

B is for 'Balls!' -- the reaction from most fans when Jim Fassel emerged as a leading candidate.

C is for Continuity, the definition of which is lost on Dan Snyder.

D is for David Tyree, Super Bowl hero, who has as much head coaching experience as Jim Zorn.

E is for Elongated, as in "This search was too damn elongated."

F is for Fassel False Alarm -- see B.

G is for Gregg Williams, the popular choice from the start.

H is for Housekeeping staff, which was busy at Snyder's guest home.

I is for Ill Will, or what Fassell has for Vinny Cerrato.

J is for Jason Campbell, the supposed future of the franchise no matter who's in charge.

K is for Kansas City Chiefs, who wouldn't hire Fassel as their offensive coordinator.

L is for Lights Out, as in the multiple power failures during Zorn's introductory news conference.

M is for Maroon and Black, which is how Zorn described the Redskins' color scheme.

N is for No-Name Hire -- for a change.

O is for Orioles Owner Peter Angelos, one of the few men who makes Dan Snyder look like a genius.

P is for Positive Thinking. Think happy thoughts.

Q is for Questionable decisions.

R is for Ron Meeks -- another candidate who bit the dust.

S is for Six, as in the number of Redskins head coaches since Snyder bought the team.

T is for Timetable.

U is for Uncertainty.

V is for Vinny, enemy spy for the Dallas Cowboys.

W is for Who, as in "Who the hell is Jim Zorn?"

X is for X's and O's.

Y is for Yesterday's News -- at long last.

Z is for Zorn.